Noise, noise, noise! Sometimes I feel that finding quiet and solitude is nigh impossible. Now, before you think I’m being a grinch, hear me out. I don’t think it need always be quiet, for that would certainly be taking things to the other extreme. No, it is simply that I think we’ve almost come to fear silence and being alone with our thoughts. The first thing many do upon turning on the car is to turn on the radio or other music. I’m as guilty here as any, so it’s been nice that my car radio was broken. My thoughts were still drowned out when I went to a large open-air shopping centre to find that they were piping music through speakers along the walks, though, when all I wanted was a bit of silence. It’s not that I hate music, far from it, but must we have background noise at all times? And honestly, it wasn’t necessarily silence I wanted, but my own noise, I suppose.
And yet, even with my aversion to lots of noise, how often am I truly still and silent? How often do I really allow myself to be alone with my thoughts? No, I, too, seek to drown out my thoughts and prayers by remaining busy. Not that busyness alone accounts for that, for I can and do pray and think when I’m doing housework or walking or whatnot. It’s more when I’m sitting that I can’t seem to be still, paradoxically. It is then when I suddenly need to be online or reading, instead of having a conversation, thinking, or praying. I’m not doing anything that is noisy, and yet I drown out my thoughts and prayers just the same, instead of listening for that small, still voice. I know I should endeavor to allow myself to be still and silent more, but it’s something with which I struggle.